The Financial IQ Test

The score is worked out in your browser and never leaves it. Nothing is stored. Format borrowed, with affection, from the Rice Purity Test.

You start at 100. Every tick takes two points off. The list gets worse as it goes on.

The lower your score, the more of a degenerate you are.

Ticked 0 of 50. Running score 100 / 100.

1.Own a stock whose business you could not explain to a clever twelve-year-old
2.Checked your portfolio more times today than you drank water
3.Bought a stock because you liked the product and called that diligence
4.Cannot quote last year's return without opening the app
5.Have never rebalanced anything, including your own opinions
6.Believe, with no evidence, that you are an above-average investor
7.Told yourself it is not a loss until the IRS agrees
8.Sold a winner at 4% and watched it pay for someone else's holiday
9.Panic-sold, bought back higher, and kept the first trade in the anecdote
10.Held a loser so you would not have to say the word "sold"
11.Set a stop, then dragged it like a dog that knows the vet
12.Blindly bought something a stranger with a ring light recommended
13.Bought a name because it was trending and the comments were feral
14.Taken a tip from a driver, a barber, or the in-law who "knows a guy"
15.Bought because a short video had a whiteboard and a sense of urgency
16.Paid for a trading course that started with "mindset"
17.Bought a meme stock and told yourself it was a joke, until it wasn't
18.Been the person dropping tickers into the group chat at 7am
19.Bought an option with no working definition of theta
20.Bought one that expired the same afternoon, on purpose
21.Used margin
22.Received a margin call and felt your personality leave your body
23.Shorted something that ripped 40% the next morning
24.Placed a trade at 2am local time because the feeling would not keep
25.Placed a trade while drunk and called it "removing emotion"
26.Placed a trade specifically in order to feel something
27.Traded more in one month than in the entire year that preceded it
28.Have one trade you have never told anybody about, including yourself in writing
29.Have no emergency fund, only a brokerage login
30.Have an emergency fund that is, unfortunately, invested
31.Carry a credit card balance and a diversified portfolio at the same time
32.Bet on sport and described it as a hedge with a straight face
33.Gambled in a casino and filed it under research
34.Ticked "experienced investor" on a form that should have stopped you
35.Invested money you needed within twelve months and hoped the calendar would wait
36.Invested money that had a job — a deposit, a wedding, a tuition bill
37.Said "one more trade" after the meeting where you decided to stop
38.Lost a month's salary between open and close
39.Screenshotted a gain. Never a loss. Not once.
40.Talked up a position to people you knew would buy it from the tone of your voice
41.Sold into the people you had warmed up
42.Given a tip you were already getting out of
43.Overstated a portfolio to somebody the number would have changed something for
44.Kept a loss from somebody who shares the account, the rent, or the life
45.Moved money so that somebody would not see the shape of it
46.Invested money that was not yours to put at risk
47.Traded on something you were told in confidence
48.Traded on something you were not supposed to know
49.Put a client, a colleague, or a friend second to your own position
50.Reached the bottom of this list and stopped finding it funny

Ticked 0 of 50. Running score 100 / 100.

Wrong test? Take the Smooth Brain Test instead.